What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:20
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It was going to be , some day.
Why do men prefer low-maintanence women?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I don,t even have a pension.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What does a passable feminine crossdresser look like?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
How do you view men and women who cheat?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Is it true that in 2028 there will be a new AIDS variant that will wipe out all the LBGTQ+ people?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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Comes on , in middle age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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She married twice! .
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But, we were locked up after school.
We were not on the streets..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot live in the past .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was scared of men, in general
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She was in good health!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was very sick at this time too.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
What did i know ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
So, i spoilt her more .
When she asked me how she looked .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was seconnd youngest,
I have no regrets .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My life is so biszare .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
This is soul school!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We all went to grammer schools
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i do to all so called friends.?
My family never makes their pension either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She wouldn,t have been !
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I said to her
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im still living with it.